Contracts

Dear Future Husband, Boyfriend, Spouse of Mine,

I'm not a perfectionist, and certainly not a slob. I am perfectly poised in pink, and occasionally slutty enough to go out on the town in black. I enjoy red nailpolish, but i have a terrible habit of flicking it off onto whatever surface is close. I love stray cats, and will frequently run off into parking lots, the neighbor's yard, or the street to pet one. (A stray cat begs to be petted. Or to be vaccinated. Either way.) When I sleep, i tuck one foot under the other, bring my knees up to my chest and bundle the blankets around my shoulders. It makes for a slightly uncomfortable sleeping partner. I like bright sunshine in the morning, so if you've been drinking the night before, wear those little spa-eye-pads to bed.

I crunch ice between my molars while i read at the table, and i mix the last of the ice-cream with milk in a bowl. I talk during movies, and i narrate the characters if i think they're doing something wrong. I am not that person in the back of the theater that screams, 'DAMN, don't go in there! What' you thinking?! DAMN!' (You know.) But I will say things in the same vein of, 'I wonder what is behind door number two? Will it be the crazy masked murderer, or the escaped mental patient with a chain saw? Tune in after the commercial break to see the final finale of 'Who Wants To Be Stabbed A Million Times?'

I tuck my hair behind my ears when i read, and if you attempt to part my hair the opposite way (Even playfully) i will smack you. I like clothes and pretty things, but try to deny the fact the media has any affect on me at all. (The new GAP commercial...I want the boyfriend pants.) When you come to terms with my hypocrisy, you'll sleep easier. When i ride in cars, I like to talk, and when i am sick or upset, you should run your fingers through my hair and kiss the crown of my head. Your t-shirts belong to me, they are mine.

If you love these things about me, or even put up with them, I will love you back. I am amazing at wild abandoned desperate love, and i will be melted butter in your frying pan if you cook it just right. I will wake you in the morning with dandelion kisses on your temples, and i will wash your hair in the shower. I will write you notes and leave them around the house, I will buy your favorite foods at the grocery store you never want to spend money on. I will wince at the thought of anyone else's arms, and i will push down the urge to yell at you when you forget to hang up towels on the towel rack. I will go to coffee with my girlfriends, complain about you, and come home having forgotten the whole thing. I will meet your friends wearing high heels, and a beautiful outfit that says, 'Yes, I am quite the catch, and although I ooze sex appeal with a touch of class, he had to work to get me between the sheets. ' I will wink at you over breakfast and share my toast with you, when I see you've finished yours.

Love,